How are you Feeling?

We can all picture a toddler ‘chucking a tantrum’ in the shopping centre because his mother denied him a chocolate bar, a four-year-old running to her kindergarten teacher in tears because her block tower fell over, or a youngster jumping around on all the furniture and poking his siblings on Christmas morning.  Just like adults, children experience a myriad of emotions on a daily basis, from happiness and excitement to sadness and anger and everything in between. However, the ability to identity and manage these feelings, known as emotional regulation, is a skill that develops with experience.

Children often act out, displaying aggression, yelling, crying or perhaps retreat when they have an emotional experience. These actions are often misinterpreted as the child misbehaving, however it may be that they are having difficulty expressing how they are feeling and/or don’t know how to work through this. This may be even more intensified with children who have challenges with verbal communication, as they might not have a means to express themselves clearly (Lynn et al 2011).

While these behaviours may be frustrating for caregivers, it's an opportunity to provide the child with assistance and guidance to work through emotional experiences, and in turn support the development of emotional-regulation skills.

Why not try:

How many emotions can you think of? Happy, sad, excited, frustrated, bothered, angry, guilty, silly… the list is endless.

Play games with your children to help expand their ‘feelings’ vocabulary.

Broadening a child’s emotional literacy will give them words or images to identify to how they are feeling, which will help them build friendships and develop an understanding of how others are feeling (empathy)(Adams 2011).

Talking about and naming feelings in everyday life, allows children to put their feelings words into context and express this to others. It’s also great to give children a more appropriate solution/approach for dealing with their emotions, so they can call on this if they experience a similar emotion in the future (Kids Matter 2015).

For example if your child appears frustrated, say to them “Oh Jimmy, I can see that you are upset that we have to stop playing this game because it’s dinner time- I can tell that you really liked playing that game, it made you happy. Perhaps we can play that fun game again another day!?”

Speaking to children in this way will also show children that you validate and respect their feelings (Adams 2011).

Caregivers and teachers can also talk to children about how their actions made you feel, for example:

In conclusion, over time children become more independent in managing their emotions in varying situations. Ensure that children are supported and welcomed to talk about their feelings as a daily norm, whilst acknowledging that turning to others for guidance and support, especially in times of stress, remains an important coping skill throughout life (Kids Matter 2015).

Adams, E 2011, 'TEACHING CHILDREN TO NAME THEIR FEELINGS', YC Young Children, vol. 66, no. 3, pp. 66-67.

Baurain, C, Nader-Grosbois, N & Dionne, C 2013, 'Socio-emotional regulation in children with intellectual disability and typically developing children, and teachers’ perceptions of their social adjustment', Research in Developmental Disabilities, vol. 34, no. 9, pp. 2774-2787.

Hyche, K & Maertz, V 2014, Classroom Strategies for Children with ADHD, Autism and Sensory Processing Disorders Solutions for Behavior, Attention and Emotional Regulation, PESI Publishing & Media, Akron.

Kids Matter 2015, Coping skills for managing emotions, retrieved 2nd August 2016, <https://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/mental-health-matters/social-and-emotional-learning/emotional-development/coping-skills-managing>.

Lynn, S, Carroll, A, Houghton, S & Cobham, 2011, 'Peer relations and emotion regulation of children with emotional and behavioural difficulties with and without a developmental disorder', Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties, vol. 18, no. 3, pp. 297-309.